Modern Sexuality

WHAT IS SEXUAL IDENTITY?

By

Lovlee “Baby Phenix” Donald

& RebelLion

Reader! welcome back to the discussion of “Modern Sexuality”. This is the section of the magazine where we talk about and gather understanding of what sexuality means in the modern world. This month I’m happy to welcome and introduce the Lion’s Den SExpert who’ll further continue and moderate the conversation. Alternative Lifestyle Coach, Lovlee “Baby Phenix” Donald, Lovlee and I go way back, I am happy to have her join the team because her knowledge and experience has help me along my transition.

Lovlee Donald spent over 35 years in the sex industry and became a coach due to her own struggles with sex addiction. Today Lovlee is coaching other addicts and victims through their struggle with sex addiction and sexual abuse via informational videos, blogs, and one on one life coaching. You may read more about Lovlee Donald on the Baby Phenix World website or https://www.babyphenixworld.com/copy-of-baby-phenix.

Sexual Identity to me

Lion: Many years ago, when I heard the acronym for LGBT had expanded to LBGTQA. I like many people, shut the idea down and closed my mind to the progression of this community. I shut down the added words because I thought to myself, “now this is just getting outta hand”. I found myself agreeing with the vanilla world because I was already having a tough time being accepted as an L at the time. This community of alternative lifestyles has evolved. It is very accepting yet still very unaccepting because there is still so much for us to learn from one another. There are many things we understand and have come to know about the people who live under the rainbow. But, many under and outside the rainbow seem to have a rough time grasping the idea that our sexual identity is not the same as our sexual preference. That is my starting argument and I doing to give Lovlee the floor to further expand on this statement.

Lovlee: Well, according to Human Rights Campaign, Sexual Orientation is defined as “An inherent or immutable enduring emotional, romantic or sexual attraction to other people”. So, in so many words who/whom you’re sexually attracted to is your Sexual Orientation. Gay (men/man), lesbian (women/woman), bisexual (men & women). According to “The PBHS Closet” there is a larger list that is more detailed in regard to Romantic Orientation: Who you are romantically attracted to meaning wanting to be in a romantic relationship with and is unrelated to sexual attraction.

Thank you, for clarifying that term. From what I’m understanding Romantic Orientation and Sexual Preference are similar terms. Yet another way to describe preference which I would have never considered in this conversation. Let’s examine the terms Preference/ Romantic Orientation and Identity, in examining the two-term let us remember that starting with preference. Preference is described in the dictionary as “”. Another simple explanation, who you are, how you express yourself. Example, a trans man can have feeling of being a man and wanting to appear as a cisman, identify. That same transman can also be in a romantic relationship with a cisman, preference.

Lion: Thank you, for clarifying that term. From what I’m understanding Romantic Orientation and Sexual Preference are similar terms. Yet another way to describe preference which I would have never considered in this conversation. Let’s examine the terms Preference/ Romantic Orientation and Identity, in examining the two-term let us remember that starting with preference.

Preference is described in the dictionary as “a greater liking for one alternative over another or others”. A simple explanation, liking something more than the other. The word identity is described as “the fact of being who or what a person or thing is”. Another simple explanation, who you are, how you express yourself. Example, a trans man can have feeling of being a man and wanting to appear as a cisman, identify. That same transman can also be in a romantic relationship with a cisman, preference.

Lovlee: In my research I came across a list of terms and definitions that further explain sexual identity,

(note) These terms apply to all forms of romantic orientation, such as heteroromantic, panromantic, aromantic.

Heterosexual- The attraction to a gender different from their own (commonly used to describe someone who is gender binary [female or male] attracted to the other binary gender).

Homosexual- The attraction to a gender the same as their own (commonly used to describe someone who is gender binary [female or male] attracted to the same binary gender). Sometimes referred to as gay.

Lesbian- Women who are attracted only to other women

Bisexual- When you are attracted to two or more genders. This term is generally used to describe being attracted to men and women but can apply to being attracted to any two or more genders. (Note) that you do not have to be equally attracted to each gender.

Pansexual- When you are attracted to all genders and/or do not concern gender when you are attracted towards someone

Bi Curious-People who are open to experiment with genders that are not only their own, but do not know if they are open to forming any sort of relationship with multiple genders.

Polysexual- When you are attracted to many genders

Monosexual- Being attracted to only one gender

Allosexual- When you are not asexual (attracted to at least one gender)

Androsexual- Being attracted to masculine gender presentation

Gynosexual- Being attracted to feminine gender presentation

Questioning- People who are debating their own sexuality/gender

Asexual- Not experiencing sexual attraction (note that you can also be aromantic and you do not necessarily have to be asexual and aromantic at the same time). Sometimes the term, ace, is used to describe asexual.

Demisexual- When you only experience sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional bond first or a romantic bond

Grey Asexual- When you only experience attraction rarely, on a very low scale, or only under certain circumstances

Perioriented- When your sexual and romantic orientation targets the same gender (for example being heteromantic and heterosexual or being biromantic and bisexual)

Varioriented- When your sexual and romantic orientations do not target the same set of genders (for example being heteromantic and bisexual or being homoromantic and pansexual)

Heteronormative- The belief that heterosexuality is the norm and that sex, gender, sexuality, and gender roles all align

Erasure- Ignoring the existence of genders and sexualities in the middle of the spectrum

Cishet- Someone who is both CIS-gender and heterosexual. This is sometimes used as a slur.

Polyamorous- An umbrella term referring to people who have or are open to have consensually have relationships with multiple people at the same time

Monoamorous- People who have or open to have relationships with only one other person at a time. The term, monogamous, is also sometimes used.

Queer- A reclaimed slur for anybody in the LGBT+ community or who do not identify as cisgender and/or heterosexual/heteroromantic

Ally- A supporter of the LGBT+ community that does not identify as LGBT+

Lion: Wow. That is quite a vocabulary!

Lovlee: With all these definitions I know it can be very confusing, not to confuse you anymore, but 5 years ago I couldn’t find a definition that explains me and my sexual preference/romantic orientation. So, I came up with one of my own.

BITURNAL- (A) someone who identifies with an exclusive sexual attraction to the same sex/gender, but has, due to various circumstances, regular intimate relations and/or love for, up to and including sexual intercourse with, a member of the opposite sex/gender. Such as a porn actor/actress, regularly having sex with opposite members, but is strictly gay or a lesbian off camera.

(B) someone who is attracted to the same sex/gender but will date trans of the opposite sex/gender.

Lion: We are going to have to get this term in the LGBTQA dictionary!

Sexual Identity defined

Lion: What I found via. Wikipedia, identity in psychology is terms as, the qualities, beliefs, personality, looks and/or expressions that make a person (self-identity) or group (social category or social group). ... A psychological identity relates to self-image (one's mental model of oneself), self-esteem, and individuality.

Lovlee: I can further elaborate on that explanation. Sexual Identity (Gender Identity) is defined as “One's innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither – how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. One's gender identity can be the same or different from their sex assigned at birth.” In plain words your Sexual Identity/Gender Identity is what your spirit is. Your body is just the shell and for many their shells don’t match what their spirit is.

Ex: your spirit could be female even if your shell (body at birth) looks male.

Lion: Although it may seem that sexual identity is a growing trend amongst young people today. The truth is that every 1 of 200 people have identified as other than male or female since 2013. Many others have felt other than male or female throughout human history. Current discussions of sexual identity are helpful and necessary for today’s society and these discussions are also long overdue. History has done a great job at hiding these topics from discussions for centuries.

The Indoctrination to the Sexes

Lion: In our society, as soon as we become cognitive thinkers we are indoctrinated into a train of thought. That indoctrination begins with designation of gender. Male and female, are the only two identifiers in much of the western world. But in the east many cultures have understood and accepted the gender in-between. These cultures know there are no straight lines, and people don’t fit in boxes. At least that’s what I’d like to think. However; these cultures have come to acceptance and hold great respect for all identities.

Lovlee: Yes, our society only recognizes two genders, at birth parents of children born with alternative identities are forced to choose the birth gender to fit and be accepted in society. Very early disrespecting and ignoring everyone who is in the middle or both genders. By making your son only play with trucks and not allowing him to play with dolls, what is that teaching him? Is that telling him he’s too feminine? Is that telling him he doesn’t need to practice being a parent (father) and only girls can play with dolls to learn how to be a parent? Better yet are we teaching our girls they can’t play with cars and want to climb trees, that only boys can be ruff and tuff! Only boys can be into cars and mechanics. Are we showing our children NOT to love who they are just the way they are? Are we teaching each other how to hate and judge ourselves as well as other at a very young age by putting labels and identities based on what society deems fit for us.

Lion: Lovlee, I couldn’t agree more. Your very correct, in the west boys are associated with blue and automobiles, while girls are associated with pink and dolls. These early training methods shape our thoughts very early in our lives. This type of indoctrination makes us very judgmental and unaccepting of our peers. Because when someone steps outside of the characteristic expected of them, we as society reject their expression instead of embracing their individuality.

In eastern cultures many families wait for their child to develop an identity before designated their sexual identity. Not every boy born as such feels like a boy, i.e. that Fa’faina. Not every girl feels like a little girl.

We are all energy

Lion: Long ago before we became civilized. Tribal humans spent a great amount of time understanding the Sun, Moon, Planets, and Universe. These people understood that all life of this Universe is energy. We are all tiny parts of this great force that created this world. We are of this world and we are all energy.

Lovlee: When thinking about energy I can’t help but think about pheromones too. We all naturally produce pheromones. Scientist Weekly explains to us that pheromones are chemical signals that are responsible for one being’s attractiveness or attraction to another.

Lion: Energy has no form, energy has no mass, it just is. You can’t pin energy in skin color, race, or a human beings gender. Energy with a mix pheromone, let’s just put it this way, our bodies are of the car, our consciousness are travelers.

Lovlee: Pheromones are released through sweat, urine, skin, and saliva, while a small organ inside the nose — the vomeronasal organ — receives them subconsciously. An important thing to know, but is hardly mentioned, pheromones attract gender.

Lion: That sound like energy to me.

Lovlee: It does, and does this mean our natural attraction to someone is not bias? Does this mean we are naturally attract to the person’s pheromones not their gender? AskMen.com give us a better understanding about this attraction to each other and where it comes from. The four types of pheromones:

Releasers: The pheromones responsible for sexual attraction; they’re almost instantly received and effective.

Primers: Slow-acting, hormone-altering pheromones that influence menstrual cycles, pregnancy retention, and puberty/sexual development.

Signalers: Genetic “odor imprints” that help us identify someone by their scent. Most useful between mothers and newborns.

Modulators: Mood-altering pheromones, often good for calming anxiety.

Lion: Lovlee, thank you for the educational knowledge that you’ve provided to myself and our readers. Many great minds such as Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Carl Jung, Bruce Lee, etc. understood that human consciousness is what makes this experience real. Our mind projects what we see, and our vehicles make it real. Sort of like a hologram on a 3D game board.

Lion: So, if what we are is energy and our bodies are vehicle’s. Or, suites that give the energy it’s mass to move on a gravitational plain. It matters not that travelers are attracted to the same sex vehicles, or that some passengers want to upgrade, or change their vehicle engines. It doesn’t matter anyway because it’s a hologram which is not real, “projection”.

It's how I identify, not who I go to bed with

In conclusion, if at this point Lovlee and I have failed to make the meaning of identity, clear. I hope you walk away from this article understanding one last point. What a person identifies as does not determine what sex they are attracted to. Identity is only the expression, loving energy has no limits and extends to any skin color, race, and gender.

It makes me laugh that “modern humans” are just beginning to grasp this construct. The knowledge of our universe and human origins was well understood by ancient human. Compared to knowledge of yesterday and the understanding of today, I feel like we don’t know shit! So, I ask a question that one of my mentors would ask, Jacque Fresco. “Are we civilized yet?” My answer is no, we are two levels above the chimpanzee. Even chimps show higher levels of intelligence and consciousness. Seems we still have a way to go, fellow humans.

Or maybe we are at a place where we are coming to the great understanding that ancients understood. But there is still a force out there that want to keep us asleep to realizing our fullest and greatest potential. I don’t know about you, but I feel a magnetic shift in the earth's consciousness, as well as a great pull from something that’s not ready to move forward. I’m done getting all spacey on you, I hope that you all have a better understanding of what identity and preference is and how it differs. With all that I’ve said, I have shown you a bit of my identity.